TRUST
The Foundation
I lost my way this past month.
Awakening Infinity launched, and suddenly I had an audience. I tracked the statistics in amazement, watching as people from different continents explored the website.
And I lost track of what God was calling me to do.
It’s simple enough. Writers are told time and time again to know their audience, and write for them. Sometimes we are told to picture one person we know who is typical of our audience, and write for that person.
So I looked at who seemed to be interested in what I was writing, and tried to write for that audience.
Emergence
But God had told me to write from the place of being in Him, and to write about those things that were bubbling up in my spirit.
And so nothing flowed.
Ideas refused to find a voice. Words were flat and disconnected. Sentences crashed into one another. Sequences of thought created log jams.
Frustration loomed.
So I went to my journal to remember and savour.
My journal is where I record conversations I have with the Lord, many of them rising out of an insatiable desire to find answers to the seemingly unanswerable questions of life.
Sometimes I struggle to connect and hear.
Sometimes I just download all my frustrations on the Lord.
And sometimes the words flow.
The topics in my journal are varied, yet they all come from my experience with the One—His life in me and around me, my seeking and desiring, and His wisdom flowing in response to my needs.
And when I turned to my journal, I found life.
In the words so poignantly expressed by God and so rapidly penned by me, and in my thoughts that flowed from His words, was life.
None of the topics in my journal were complete. All were nuggets, with much more to come. And so I had left them behind, hoping against hope that I could one day address all of those nuggets in their fulness.
Yet I can never attain to their fulness. There is always something I have not yet seen, something I am not yet big enough to grasp.
And sometimes the flow of truth is so rapid that my own growth and transformation can’t keep up with it.
Awakening Infinity
In many ways, on this website I am writing for an audience of One.
In other ways, I am writing for myself.
Beyond all else, I am writing about our common experiences of life in a fallen world, where the Kingdom of God is here, but not yet here—fully present, but not yet present in its fulness.
Whether or not anyone else will ever be transformed by what I write is God’s business. God will bring to the website those whom He desires to benefit from what He has spoken into my life. He will bring them if and when He desires.
Enlarge Me in My Narrowness
Writer’s block is a common problem. Much has been written about how to haul ourselves up out of that narrow place, and some of it works. But nothing is guaranteed.
My default reaction always is to work harder, hoping I can work my way out of the narrow place I am in. That response was ingrained in me in childhood, and I still have difficulty not going there.
But God’s desire is to enlarge me in my narrow place (see previous article here), not necessarily to cause me to succeed in whatever venture I am engaged in.
Was I struggling to write?
Yes.
But the bigger problem was not my inability to write. The bigger problem was my lack of trust.
And during the entire time that I was in that narrow place, struggling to write, God was patiently waiting for me to realize that He cares more about enlarging my capacity to trust Him than He cares about His purposes for Awakening Infinity.
He cares more about me.
My becoming is more important to Him than my doing.
In the aftermath of launching Awakening Infinity, He was insistent that I needed to enlarge my ability to trust Him. And He did it by showing me that He could handle the website traffic situation.
Despite my not posting anything new, there has been only one day in the past six weeks when nobody visited the website. And there continues to be a slow but steady increase in the number of provinces, states, and countries visiting the website.
Totally incredible.
Yesterday someone in Australia visited the website for the first time. Australia is pretty much as far away as you can get from where I live in Sault Ste. Marie, Canada!
God was confirming, yet once again, that He has this. He can do website traffic with excellence.
Despite what the world would say, I am not to be concerned about who visits the website.
My job is to trust Him and follow where He leads me.
Trusting God
Trust is being willing to let go of the cultural norms.
Trust is choosing not to rely on our own wisdom or the wisdom of the world around us—despite the ever-increasing pressure to do so.
Trust is defiantly choosing to take a path that appears to the world to be counterproductive and nonsensical.
Trust is third level synchronization—choosing to courageously and authentically walk where He tells us to go, even when we don’t know where we are going and we have no idea how to get to that unknown destination.
Trust is taking the first step into the unknown or the inconceivable, and letting the chips fall where they may.
Trust is accepting that failure is inevitable, but not unproductive.
Trust is stumbling and falling, then picking ourselves up, reorienting our path to His, and trying again.
Trust is a journey, not a destination to be reached overnight. Trust is enlarged through countless experiences of risking, experiencing, and then savouring God’s hand in the midst of our struggles.
Trust goes beyond cognitive belief.
Trust chooses the One above all other people or things, regardless of the consequences of that choice.
Trust believes.
Trust risks.
Trust experiences setbacks and struggles along the way.
But ultimately, trust wins.
© Christine Fisher
May 2026